did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
