I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
