Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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