youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
