i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The power of my boobs compel you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize