so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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