somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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