I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
