The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
