Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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