what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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