I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize