I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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