the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize