Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
