what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize