Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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