Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
