Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
