You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
