Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
