So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
