Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A bitchslap is in order.
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