Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
