Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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