I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize