Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
