Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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