i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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