For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
