So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
