I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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