I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize