There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
