im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
