4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
