you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the day after is always just damage control
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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