Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
