yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
