where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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