Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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