I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
