Your dad touched me again.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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