I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
