If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
