so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
