After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
