So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
