Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize