I think I just saw someone hide a body.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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