Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.

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(909): View more from California

so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes

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(206): View more from Washington

He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.

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(425): View more from Washington

Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.

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(773): View more from Illinois

btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.

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(831): View more from California

There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy

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(706): View more from Georgia

I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.

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(819): View more from Quebec

idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars

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