We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize