Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
In America we eat man semen.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
