Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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