just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
