are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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