i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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