Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just googled if crying burns calories
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
