you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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