This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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