never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
