He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
