On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
as a side note pls kill me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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