That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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