He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
