Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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