this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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