Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
