i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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